The Transition

It's been almost four months.  118 days to be exact, since I self-annihilated my former self to give birth to current self (small "s").  I was a very busy, somewhat stressed out, dual yoga studio owner, and well loved yoga teacher in middle America.  I loved my job (mostly), was making an honest living in a very non-traditional way, enjoying the people and love in my life, and I was a good force for change in many peoples' lives.  Things were great.  In spite of the greatness that seemed to be my life there was a sprouting desire to do something different: take it down a few notches, encounter less daily stress, live more authentically my spiritual practice, have a smaller carbon footprint, live closer to nature, and to go where I'm no longer a big fish in a small pond.  As they say, "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!"  The process of selling my home, my businesses, and most of my belongings happened so fast and easily that I could not remotely question the decision I'd made to relocated with my husband, Troy, to New England to take up residence at Providence Zen Center.  HUGE change, to small self anyway. 

In the wisdom teachings of Yoga and Buddhism it's said there are two truths: absolute and relative, or infinite and finite, or emptiness and form, or that which is eternal and that which is governed by time.  From an individual's perspective small self is this body, her preferences, her name and work, her ego and her identifications.  This is coupled with the Self of non-preferential reflection, the soul, timeless and eternal witness to the small self's short-lived shenanigans.  My small self was initially set on the idea to dismember the identifications she had with her life in Omaha, NE as Self knew that the next incarnation would be just as it needed to be and small self could cope.  Ultimately this is true, sitting here on my meditation cushion writing about the experience (one of many cushions as I sit almost exclusively on the floor for everything).  For now, thru all the pain of separation from my previous life, attachments and friends, and thru the wonder of a new city, new yoga teachers and students, a new residence that is shared with other residents in whole new way of living (more on that later), what best sums up this experience is that there is no perfect place, no perfect job, no perfect home, housemate or spouse, nothing is perfect.  Nothing is perfect.  Once small self understands this (as Self already knows the truth of it) then the reality seeps in....  "Oh, here I am, right here.  If I was not supposed to be here, I wouldn't be.  As things are now, just as they are, it's perfect.  Everything is just as it should be."   I'm certainly not claiming enlightenment, but this realization of truth is much like the expression of the Buddha himself who when he emerged from the bodhi tree after finally reaching a realized state exclaimed,  "Wonderful!  Wonderful!  Everything is awake! Just as it should be!"   Until next time, om.